Encouraging Your Husband During Pastor Appreciation Month

Christians in the U.S. have designated this month as Pastor Appreciation Month. Reminders prompt our congregations to thank their pastors for their numerous ways of serving. The preaching pastor is often the focus. He is the most visible member of the staff and justifiably honored. However, some pastors will not be recognized. You and your pastor husband might be serving a small church that doesn’t emphasize this theme. Your congregation might overlook your associate pastor husband while showering public accolades, gifts, and cards on the preaching pastor. If your husband doesn’t benefit from this attention, how can you help? What can you say? How can you encourage him? Here are four suggestions.

1. Privately praise your husband 

A wise wife develops the habit of praising her husband often, especially when he is discouraged or low in spirits. She finds a meaningful nugget in his sermon, and she tells him. On their drive home from church, she shares something she learned or an insight into a verse she hadn’t seen before. I know my husband feels encouraged when I thank him for personally ministering to my soul.

Each believer is told to “consider how to stir up one another to love and good works…encouraging one another” (Hebrews 10:24-25). To “consider” means to “contemplate attentively.” This suggests planning and being deliberate about promoting love and striving for holiness, thus encouraging fellow Christians. Your private encouragement will mean much to your husband when he doesn’t receive public praise. Pastors’ wives need to remind themselves that a few words of comfort can have a significant impact. “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing” (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

2. Remind your husband of his blessings

It can be difficult for us to be content when we see the affirmation others receive. Your husband may struggle with a bit of envy or jealousy. You can understand it is hard when the church honors the senior pastor but ignores his staff. Your husband might see the greeting card section in the store labeled “Pastor Appreciation Month” but feel discouraged when he never receives one of those cards. Your husband may long to preach in a large church with a large budget and numerous accolades. The antidote to discontentment is gratefulness.

You can be your husband’s helper by preempting disappointment. How can you help him stamp out negative comparisons? Point out the many positive aspects of service to the Lord. The under-shepherd is privileged to care for the people who belong to the Chief Shepherd. In Ezekiel 34, we read a beautiful description of those beloved by the Lord. Read from verse 11 to the conclusion at the end of the chapter: “And they shall know that I am the Lord their God with them, and that they…are my people, declares the Lord God.” The people in your church are precious to Christ, who has entrusted them to faithful men who are able to teach others (2 Timothy 2:2).

3. Help your pastor/husband recognize his value to God

Paul tells Timothy that the elders who rule well should be considered worthy of double honor. Those who work hard in preaching and teaching are singled out for this recognition in 1 Timothy 5:17. Even if the people don’t respond well, the Lord recognizes the work of the pastor/teacher. We read something similar in 1 Thessalonians 5:12-13. There, Pauls tells the people in Thessalonica to respect the leaders who labor among them. He adds that the congregation should “esteem them very highly in love because of their work.”

Interestingly, both verses use a term that indicates difficult exertion: “labor.” God wants His people to express appreciation for the hard work and many hours invested in the life of the church and growth in the body. These exhortations tell us of the value that God places on the leaders of His church. Christ gave these “shepherds and teachers to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ” (Ephesians 4:11-12). Christ loves His bride, the church. Those who work to lead the church should be honored. Remind your husband that the Lord values his work even if his congregation does not show him much honor.

4. Remind him that it is our Savior who should receive the praise 

Some churches even use the term “under-shepherds” to highlight the role of promoting Christ as the Chief Shepherd. You husband’s job is to elevate the Bridegroom of the church, as the best man does in a wedding. John the Baptist describes himself this way: “The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom’s voice…He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:29-30).

Any pastor who receives praise should give God the glory, anyway! We read that Paul did so in 2 Corinthians 3:5-6a, “Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant.” The pastor is one who serves, whether he is in a big, prosperous church or not. The best spirit is the one that Paul and his fellow laborers demonstrated: “For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake” (2 Corinthians 4:5).

You, a pastor’s wife, are in the unique position of encouraging and strengthening your husband when he might not receive honor or attention during Pastor Appreciation Month. May the Lord give you the grace to serve your husband during this month set aside to recognize our church leaders.

©2023 Caroline Newheiser. Used with permission.