Lies that Hurt You and Your Ministry

Do you ever notice the following thoughts floating through your mind?  I assume the answer is “yes.” Thoughts such as: “I’m not good enough to be a pastor’s wife,” “I can’t let anyone know about my struggles,” and “I must do this ministry perfectly to feel good about myself.” These thoughts and their implications are unsettling.  If you dwell on them long enough, they can take away your joy in serving.

Let’s name these negative thoughts lies, lies not based on biblical truth. They can derive from your own insecurity or misinterpretation of God’s thoughts. After all, God says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9). Pause to think about the illustration in this familiar verse. There is an enormous distance between your thoughts and God’s. It’s the distance between earth and heaven! It’s time to get above your earthbound thoughts and shine the light of God’s word on these lies.

To begin, notice that each statement is focused on yourself. That is the beginning of the error, but it also leads to the solution. You will be blessed to realize that your negative thoughts are not God’s. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5). Your self-perception may be based on your emotions, past negative experiences, or even a passing comment from someone whose opinion looms large in your mind. Let’s look more closely at these lies and see what God says about them.

“I’m not good enough to be a pastor’s wife.” This statement is half true. Half-truths are the hallmarks of a believable lie. The truth is: yes, you are not good enough to do any ministry at all. We are all sinners and unworthy, saved by God’s gracious love. Think back to the reason God chose the people of Israel. He said, “It was not because you were more in number than any other people that the Lord set his love on you and chose you, for you were the fewest of all peoples, but it is because the Lord loves you…” (Deuteronomy 7:7-8a). Realize that your righteousness is not your own “but that which comes through faith in Christ” (Philippians 3:9). In addition, you are in ministry because God chose to glorify Himself through weak people (1 Corinthians 1:17-31). Paul realized that he was the chief of sinners, but he served with the strength of Christ Jesus, who appointed him (1 Timothy 1:12-16). See yourself as God sees you. You are a sinner covered by grace who serves God in her weakness.

“I can’t let anyone know about my struggles.” Again, this is another half-truth. The truth is: yes, you must carefully choose the people with whom you share your struggles. You shouldn’t tell everyone. The person who serves the church should share edifying words with the church members (Ephesians 4:29). But she should seek out a small number of women whom she can trust to listen, refrain from gossip, and speak wisdom to her soul. You are blessed when you find this kind of counselor and friend (Titus 2:3-5). The truth is that you are weak, and God calls you to share your weakness with friends. You then become wise through humility. Proverbs 11:2 says, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.” The pastor’s wife is being sanctified slowly, the same as all other believers. See yourself as God sees you. You are in the process of sanctification and need to share your real self with a wise friend humbly.

“I must do this ministry perfectly.” Here is another half-truth. The truth is: yes, it’s good to serve the Lord with excellence. The Old Testament describes the precise requirements for building the Tabernacle and crafting its furnishings. The same care was taken in building the temple in Jerusalem. No errors were allowed because the Lord’s glory would dwell there. That good desire can become unhelpful when you believe you must be perfect or your service must be perfect. A pastor’s wife might avoid participating in any ministry because she fears disappointing herself, others, and the Lord. If these are your thoughts, remind yourself of the truth. Only God is perfect. You are dependent on His power. “There are varieties of gifts…there are varieties of service…there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone…All these [gifts] are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills (1 Corinthians 12:4-6, 11 emphasis mine). You are blessed when you seek God’s glory, focusing on His approval. See yourself as God sees you. The Lord calls you to faithfully serve Him in His power, knowing He is pleased when you do your best for His glory.

To summarize, you glorify God through your weakness and humility. You are living before God, whose opinion matters more than your own self-image. See what Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians 2:4: “But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.”

Absorb the following truths: The Lord has saved you, His daughter, because He loved you before time began (Ephesians 4:4). He knows you are flawed, which is why you need an honest and encouraging friend (Hebrews 3:13). He desires your humble service in weakness and reliance on His power (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Join Paul in his calling and with his focus: “Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me” (Colossians 1:28-29).

©2024 Caroline Newheiser. Used with permission.