Shepherding Your PK Through Doubt

All my life, I’ve been a PK. That’s short for “Pastor’s Kid.” Anytime the church’s doors were open, we rolled up in our minivan, and we were probably the last to leave. It was my dad’s job to share Jesus in the pulpit and in our home, and he did so faithfully. At 7, I professed my faith in Christ. Jesus was the heartbeat of my family, and I’m so grateful. 

With a childhood saturated in the Gospel, I felt I should’ve had a faith marked by confidence and peace. But I didn’t. Instead, for much of my teen years, I went to bed fearful, questions swirling in my head: 

“How do I really know the Bible is true?”

“Do I just believe in God because it’s all I know?”

“Do I really know Jesus as my Savior, or do I just know about Him?”

“If I died tonight, where would I spend eternity?”

I felt so alone in these questions, but, as a PK on the other side of doubt, I’ve learned this experience is  common for the pastor’s kid. The church is our dad’s job, and so it becomes our world. We grow up practically swimming in Bible knowledge. Because of this, it can be difficult to distinguish what we know from what we actually believe. 

Many teens wrestle with the reliability of Scripture and the reality of the Gospel as they mature and make their faith their own, but the PK often feels less freedom to grapple with these questions. A sort of PK pride tells us we should have this “faith thing” figured out so we keep our doubts in the dark where they flourish best. 

Pastor, your PK needs you. They need you to pray for their hearts, patiently address their questions, and lovingly point them to Jesus. You are their shepherd, called to model their heavenly Father as you lead them to walk beside the still waters of assurance. 

Your PK needs your prayers

First and foremost, your PK needs your prayers. Pray that God would graciously spare them from the darkness of doubt and that they would know His peace. Not every PK will struggle with doubt – boldly pray that your son or daughter would have an unwavering confidence in Christ.

But, if your PK does express doubts to you, thank God for exposing those doubts and bringing them to the light. Then pray that these doubts would not lead to despair, but to a deeper, more reasoned faith. We have a kind Father in heaven who can use doubt to draw your PK into a deeper relationship with himself.

Your PK needs your patience

Once your PK shares their doubt struggle with you, they will need your patience. For a long season, I needed my dad to remind me of the Gospel every night. He would sit with me in my room as I cried about my doubts and grieved my lack of assurance, pointing me to the same truths over and over again. 

My dad was never exasperated with me. He never said, “We’ve been over this a hundred times. Why are you still such a mess?” Instead, he sat with me and listened as I tried to articulate my questions and fears. 

He reminded me of Jesus, who showed Thomas His scars when Thomas doubted the resurrection. Jesus didn’t say, “Are you for real, Thomas? I’m standing right in front of you.” Instead, Jesus was patient. This is the disposition your PK needs from you as they wrestle with doubt.

Your PK needs your fatherly love

Finally, PKs need your fatherly love. They need you to be their dad, to sit with them, to teach them what is true. They need you to model the heart of their heavenly Father in these moments – a Father who dwells with lowly spirits (Isaiah 57:15), who doesn’t break bruised reeds or quench faintly burning wicks (Isaiah 42:3). 

So gently point them to Scripture. Remind them of Jesus’ words: “whoever comes to me I will never cast out” (John 6:37). Comfort them with Philippians 1:6: “He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

I can still remember my dad sitting with me, reminding me of the chapter in The Pilgrim’s Progress where Pilgrim lost his scroll, symbolizing a temporary loss of assurance. This was deeply comforting to me because it demonstrates that lack of assurance isn’t foreign to the Christian life – it isn’t disqualifying. Pilgrim still finished his journey. He still made it to the Celestial City in the end. 

Dear pastor, PKs need you to remind them of what is true, and to do so with a gentle love that testifies to the love of their heavenly Father.

Finally, I want to encourage you. If your PK grieves their doubtfulness, then rejoice. We don’t grieve the lack of something we don’t love. Your child’s grief is likely evidence that their faith is precious to them. So take heart and don’t give up. Persevere in faithfully shepherding them, pointing them to Jesus. 

Looking back, it was God’s grace that broke my heart over my doubts and eventually led me to walk beside the still waters of assurance once again. I now have a deeper and richer faith and a heart that cherishes the kindness of God toward those who doubt. His goodness and mercy have followed me all the days of my life. 

You can entrust your PK to the good Shepherd, who loves to lead His children home.

©2023 AbbyJo Thompson. All rights reserved. Used with permission.