When the Pastor's Wife Struggles to Find Joy at Advent

The Christmas season is a time of anticipation and happiness for many. For some, the celebration begins in November or even earlier. The Christmas tree is up and outdoor decorations transform our environment. The children at our churches begin practicing for the annual Christmas program. We look forward to our seasonal foods and love hearing Christian hymns and carols played, even at the grocery store! One of my favorite hymns is “Joy to the World.” “Joy to the world, the Lord is come. Let earth receive her king. Let every heart prepare Him room, and heaven and nature sing…” What do you tell yourself if you don’t feel joyful this time of year? What if you don’t feel like singing? How do you cope with the obvious happiness that others feel? What does the Bible say to help the woman who doesn’t feel happy?

Christmas has the potential for pain. When families gather to celebrate the birth of the Christ child, you could feel afresh the loss of a baby due to miscarriage or the pain of barrenness. I recently spoke to a pastor’s wife who has a loving husband and an adopted daughter, yet she still struggles with the reality of her infertility. She never participated in the miracle of giving birth. Each year the Christmas story reminds her of the contrast between her life and Mary’s. Though my friend is in her early 70s, the loss has never completely disappeared.

Comfort from Zechariah’s Story

What comfort does the Bible give to one who is melancholy at a time when the birth of Christ and joy are so closely linked? What passage of Scripture can bring peace? Let us consider Zechariah’s story in Luke 1:5-25 and his response nine months later in verses 57-80.

Zechariah and his wife, Elizabeth, were described as “righteous before God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and statutes of the Lord” (Luke 1:6). Zechariah was a priest who was “chosen by lot to enter the temple of the Lord and burn incense” (Luke 1:9). These two were involved in ministry but lived with the sadness of infertility. The prospect of having a baby was remote because “both were advanced in years” (Luke 1:7). Verse 13 indicates that Zechariah had been praying for a child. A woman in ministry might also feel the difficulty of unfulfilled longing and perhaps feel a sense of displeasure from the Lord. “Does God even love me if he has denied me my dreams?”

An angel of the Lord stood on the right side of the altar of incense while Zechariah was inside the Holy place. He promised joy and gladness to Zechariah and his wife, but not to them only. He said that “many will rejoice at his birth, for he will be great before the Lord” (Luke 1:14-15). Their son will be born to “make ready for the Lord a people prepared” (Luke 1:17). A very special baby was coming!

The angel knows that Zechariah doubted the reality of the promise (Luke 1:20). You may see yourself here. You are given precious and very great promises (2 Peter 1:4) yet wonder if those promises are for you. You may not feel that you are fully loved by God or good enough to receive a blessing. If this describes you, it is important to remind yourself that your righteousness is the righteousness of Christ. Read Romans 5 for a refresher on this truth. You are a sinner saved by grace (Ephesians 2:8-9).

By the time the baby, John, was born, we see evidence of the work of God in Zechariah’s heart. This is my favorite section in this passage! Zechariah now is filled with the Holy Spirit and praises the Lord for

his covenant faithfulness. “Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, for he has visited and redeemed his people” (Luke 1:68). The Lord fulfilled the prophecy given to David and Abraham. God promised deliverance from the hand of our enemies. These enemies are not necessarily physical but could exist in your mind. Maybe your thoughts are full of fear and hopelessness, doubt and dread. The Lord has provided a Savior who has defeated those enemies on the cross. Focus on the work of Christ on your behalf. He died for those who are weak and unable to save themselves.

Zechariah calls us to serve the Lord God “without fear, in holiness and righteousness before him all our days” (Luke 1:74b-75). Here is the antidote to joylessness,—renewing your calling to live for the Lord. This might take time, as the children of Israel must have realized as the years of waiting continued. Even Zechariah the priest for a time seemed to doubt that the time of redemption had actually come. Move into a place of trust, dear sister, and pray for zeal to continue your life of service.

God’s Greater Purpose for You This Advent

You are placed in this place and time and ministry as part of God’s bigger plan. Zechariah needed to realize that God was working through him “to give knowledge of salvation to his people in the forgiveness of their sins” (Luke 1:77). Zechariah was an important instrument in God’s work, as are you! The Lord wants to use you for his kingdom as well.

Your emotional struggles at Christmas might derive from sources that I haven’t mentioned here. While remembering other sources of pain, please know that your God is filled with tender mercy. Zechariah testifies to this truth in the final words of his song of praise. His purpose and ours is “to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace” (Luke 1:79). You may be thinking that this darkness and shadow is where you live right now. The way of peace seems unattainable. Others are joyful and don’t see or know your pain. Remember that the tender mercy of God towards weak Zechariah includes you, his weak servant. James 4:8a is God’s promise to you: “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.” May you know the deep and lasting joy which comes through the advent of your Savior.

©2023 Caroline Newheiser. All rights reserved. Used with permission.